No Regrets (No Regrets #1) Read online

As with Carlo, Jimmy has changed, too. His weight has done the opposite. He’s thinner and his long face has gained many lines along his forehead and around his mouth. No doubt he started smoking again. His light hair has thinned with age and a hard life of drinking.

  “Hey, Jimmy.”

  “Carlo said you were out. I didn’t realize you were coming out this way today.”

  “Yeah, I uh, I need a job.” My voice is hesitant.

  Jimmy eyes his niece, who is staring at me, almost drooling.

  “Daphne, I just warned you. That’s it, you’re fired.”

  “Whatever, Jimmy. You can’t fire me. My mom’ll have your hide.”

  Jimmy shakes his head in exasperation. “Hey, come on back where we can have some privacy.” He glares at Daphne before walking down a narrow hall covered in wood paneling. It reminds me of my childhood home in a Jersey suburb.

  Jimmy gestures to a tiny office with stacks of papers covering every surface. He surges to the lone chair facing his desk and with one swipe, the papers scatter to the floor. He gestures for me to sit. My body sinks into the cushioned chair as he skirts around the broad wooden desk laden with clutter and more papers. He perches on the edge of his worn leather chair. “I’m not really sure what you think I can do for you, Grey.” Before I have a chance to respond, he adds, “You gave everything up when you went away. None of us had much of anything after that. It was like the well dried up.”

  My eyes widen, shocked by the accusation and guilt. I realize this was a mistake. Placing my hands on the arms of the chair, I push to my feet and turn to leave. Jimmy’s voice halts any progress toward the door I’ve made.

  “I’m sorry, but truthfully, Greylan, you don’t want anything to do with me. I have a reputation and it’s not a good one.”

  I turn, eyeing him curiously.

  “I became a gem of bad luck to the fighters after what happened. I had no hope ever representing a pro. You were it.”

  My shoulders sink at his words. I drop back into the chair, resigned and defeated. I look around at the peeling paint on the walls and the windows that haven’t been cleaned in probably years.

  “Jimmy, it was an accident. If I could go back to that night and take it all back, I’d do anything to make that happen.”

  Jimmy slinks into his chair, leaning as far back as it will go. He pulls a pack of cigarettes off the desk, shaking one out. He lights it, squinting at me through the smoke. As he exhales, he proclaims, “Believe me, I know, Grey. I guess you being here brought it all back. What we all lost. I was pissed at you for a long time, but it’s done. Nothing’s gonna change what’s already happened.” He studies the smoke curling from the end of his cigarette. “Are you thinking about going back into the cage?”

  A few beats of my heart pass before the words come out. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I need a job at the moment. After that we’ll see. Things have changed.”

  “Yeah, you can say that again. The only fighters I get anymore are amateurs. None of them are good enough. Once they realize how short their road is, I’m out the cash because they change to a desk job. It’s a vicious cycle.”

  Curious, I question, “Why are you still at it then, Jimmy? It’s been five years. You could have switched, done something different.”

  He shakes his head. “Are you, of all people, telling me to move on? Are you moving on?”

  My stare moves to the worn brown carpet underfoot. Am I done? No, I haven’t felt as alive as being on the mat over the past week has made me feel. I glance back up and shake my head with a smirk.

  Jimmy smiles, dragging on his cigarette. “Didn’t think so. It’s a hard beat to give up.”

  I shift in the chair. “Any thoughts on what someone of my caliber could do to pass the time for a while?”

  Jimmy puts out his cigarette in an overflowing ashtray situated in the only empty space on the desk. He stands, gesturing me to follow him out the door. He strides to Daphne’s desk. She’s on the phone again, twirling the cord in her fingers. Jimmy calls her name. “Daphne.”

  She looks up and continues talking into the receiver as if he isn’t there. Jimmy impatiently presses the button, causing the dial tone to ring on the line.

  She huffs. “Really, Jimmy, was that necessary?”

  “Yes, now get your fat ass up and go get me my lunch.”

  “I’m gonna tell Mom you’re talking to me like that.”

  “Daphne, I don’t give a shit. Tell your mom whatever you want. I shouldn’t have to pay you to sit around all day talking on the phone.”

  She shoulders her purse and pouts, looking over Jimmy’s shoulder at me. Her sad eyes force my own to look away. She trudges out the door as Jimmy moves things around on her desk muttering, “I know she has it here somewhere.”

  He opens a drawer and spots what he’s looking for. He pulls out a business card and scribbles something on the back. He holds it out and explains, “Juno here owes me a favor. She usually has something open, so just tell her I sent you.”

  I palm it and look down. It has scrawled lettering across the front advertising, Juno’s Jackpot Bar.

  “A bar?” My words are laced with surprise.

  Jimmy shrugs. “Grey, it’s the best I can do. Times are hard for all of us right now.”

  “Okay, thanks.”

  I push my hand out. Jimmy takes it in both of his. “When you start the climb back up, you let me know. I’ll happily represent you if you need a manager.”

  Before turning to walk out into the chilly day, I tell him, “I will, Jimmy. I will.”

  Once through the door, I shove the card into my pocket, jamming my hands in further to keep warm. A job at a bar, I never thought it would come to this.

  When I pull the truck into the driveway, Trinity comes skipping out to the driver’s side door. She’s barefooted, dressed in sweats and a long sleeved t-shirt. Leaving the truck, I try to show disappointment across my face. “Trinity, you’re gonna catch your death out here. Get back in the house.”

  She chuckles and shakes her head. “I can take care of myself. How’d it go? Is Jimmy gonna get you back in?”

  I shake my head at her naivety. She really thought it would be that easy to get back into the cage? She doesn’t have a clue. The thought of Parker living here with her, sharing a bed, crosses my mind and I’m suddenly pissed. Where that thought came from I have no clue, but it’s shitty. I rush past her to the door.

  “Grey, did I say something?”

  “No, Trin, it’s me. Don’t worry.” I tell her over my shoulder.

  My feet move swiftly up the steps. I close the door to my room tightly and grab the borrowed bag, loading clothes for the gym into it. I have a sudden urge to hit something.

  ***

  The gym is busy. People are sparring and training. I scan the room for Carlo but he’s not at the ring where he’s usually situated. It doesn’t matter. My purpose was to come and let go of some of this anger. At that thought I spot Parker across the gym, a smug look on his face as he spars with another guy. Quickly I duck into the locker room, wanting to see Parker’s face less than anyone else. Ready to beat something up, I head straight to a row of black bags suspended from the ceiling. My routine takes over, wrapping my hands in the gloves and relentlessly beating on a bag. The muscles in my arms cord up from the pressure. The bag swings back with each connection. An image of Parker’s face appears in front of me as I hit the bag harder with each punch. The more I get to know the guy, the less I like him.

  After a good hour of beating the bag, Carlo walks up and claps me on the shoulder.

  “Hey, Grey, I didn’t see you come in today. That bag is getting a good beating.”

  My arm stops for a minute. His voice seems strained, like he’s trying to make light of things but he’s really bothered by something. I know Carlo too well.

  A year before the accident we were training. I had just won my first amateur bout the night before and Carlo was eager to continue the winning str
eak. We were down in the basement of his house. He came in making a joke but it fell short. Later I found out that his wife had been diagnosed with breast cancer earlier in the week. It was too late; the disease was already spreading to her lungs. She died within six months. It was quick, unlike my mom’s suffering with brain cancer that lasted over a year. As much as I hated that someone had to go through what I had, it brought us closer. A week after she died, Carlo called me and poured everything he had into my training.

  Now he’s acting like he did that night in the basement. As if he’d just heard the worst news ever. I turn to the hand on my shoulder and ask, “Carlo, what is it? Don’t tell me nothing, ‘cause I know you.”

  He scoots a metal chair from the wall and sinks into it, perching on the edge. His face is downturned and his hands are rubbing the tough skin of his cheeks. He looks up after a moment. My hands clench because the adrenaline from hitting the bag is still coursing through my veins.

  “Grey, I can’t train you. I’d like to only train you, but I just can’t.”

  A frown forms as I look to the mat below my bare feet. I glance across the room and meet Parker’s stare. He has paused his punching to watch. A small smile spreads over his lips. In that moment my blood heats up. My eyes turn back to Carlo, who is palming his bald head back and forth looking miserable.

  “This is Parker’s doing, isn’t it?”

  Carlo looks across the room at Parker and back to me. He muses, “He’s a lot like you, when you first started out. He thinks he’s the best and no one can touch him. In many ways that’s the case. Do you remember, Grey? You had the same attitude. Nothing could touch you. No matter what, you were on your way to the top.”

  He takes a deep breath and gets up. His hand extends to my shoulder. “Find that again, Grey. You have to want it more than anything.”

  I look away and meet Parker’s amused smile. I take a step toward him but Carlo’s grip tightens. He confesses, “It is Parker, but he didn’t do it. It’s his sponsors. I get a lot of donations to keep this place afloat and most of it is because of that guy over there. I can’t give it up, Grey.”

  I squint at Carlo. “I’m just another fighter training here. Why does it make a difference?”

  “They got wind that you’re out, Grey. The only thing I can come up with is they think you’re a conflict of interest. They think you’ll make it back up there.”

  “That’s bullshit, Carlo, and you know it. I’m living with the guy, for God’s sake. My sister is engaged to him.”

  “I know. All I can tell you is I got a call this morning telling me to let you go. I was told that the generous donations would stop if you continue training here.”

  I nod, finished with the conversation. The last thing I want is to cause Carlo any more heartache. He’s finally in a good place.

  My hand tightens on Carlo’s arm before I turn toward the locker room.

  Carlo calls out, “Grey?”

  I look back.

  “You might want to think about moving out of the guy’s house. There might be more to all of this than we know.”

  I continue my trek to the lockers. I’m already a step ahead. First I need to talk to Trinity about fronting me some cash and then find an apartment. Priority number one is to get my life together. If it takes moving away from Trinity, I’ll have to do it, as much as I’ll hate leaving her there with Parker.

  Chapter 6

  “No, Greylan, you can’t go. You just got out and you don’t have anyone else. I don’t have… I still want you to stay here.”

  The pain in Trinity’s voice makes me want to take it all back, but I have to get out from under Parker. There’s got to be more to this thing than what Carlo said.

  “I know, Trin. I just need to get out on my own.”

  “What will you do for a job?”

  She’s curled up on the extra- large couch trying to hold it together, but I can tell she’s about to lose it. The day of my sentencing to involuntary manslaughter, she burst into sobs. Every strained breath she took in that courtroom seemed to take the air from my own lungs. She’s strong, but when she loses it, it’s bad. I sit next to her, the cushion sinking under my large frame. My hand moves in tiny circles on her back.

  Her voice is barely a whisper as she asks, “Do you want to know how I met Parker?”

  I really don’t. It will probably piss me off even more and cause more hatred, but for her I relent. “Sure.”

  “It’s kind of a funny story actually, and it kind of happened by accident. After you were sentenced I about lost it completely. You know I had never been on my own, so it was a huge adjustment. I was trying so hard to handle everything. Exactly six months after the sentencing, Parker walked into Brutus’.” She takes a small breath. “I know you don’t want to hear this part, but I had been making it, barely. I gained some self-worth and confidence that I never would have if you had stayed around.” I look away from her stare because it pains me to hear those words, even if she needed it.

  She smiles. “Parker came into the bar, all smug and stuck on himself. I was assigned the table where he sat but I talked another girl into going over there. He insisted that it be me who served him. It pissed me off even more and I ended up pouring a beer over his head that night.” I laugh out loud at her usual feistiness. That is definitely a Trinity move. She’s not shy about showing how she really feels. And I’m glad Parker got the brunt of it even if it turned out in his favor.

  “He came in every day for a month and sat at that same table until I finally agreed to go out with him.”

  As much as I still hate him I have to give him credit. He was determined, and as far as I can tell, she’s well taken care of.

  I lean toward her. “Trinity, I’ll find something close. Okay? The bar where I’m going to work is over by Jimmy’s, so I need to be close to the Westside anyway.”

  She nods but doesn’t seem convinced. A stray tear rolls down her cheek. I wipe it with my finger. “I won’t leave you again.”

  She moves her head as the front door opens and closes with a loud thump. That was my cue. Standing abruptly, I explain, “I need to go and pack my stuff. Will you be okay?”

  She sits up while wiping the dampness from her cheeks. “Yes.”

  Just as I round the corner, I look back to make sure she is okay.

  Parker walks into the room and her face brightens. He joins her on the couch and pulls her into his lap. I leave before witnessing anything else. I know he cares for her and that makes it so much harder to hate him.

  After gathering all of my belongings, I walk back downstairs. The last step puts me in earshot of their conversation.

  “What?” Trinity’s voice rings through the room.

  Parker soothes, “Calm down, he’ll be fine. They told Carlo to let him go from the gym. I think the fact that he’s training again has an effect on it all.”

  “I don’t understand. He’s not fighting. Why do your sponsors care?”

  I decide not to eavesdrop anymore and walk into the room.

  They both look up and Parker runs his hand through his short light hair. I linger in the doorway, unsure whether to just leave or not. Uncomfortable doesn’t begin to describe the air in the room.

  Parker continues as if I’m not there. He looks over at Trinity and explains, “The other day when we sparred, he was fierce. We were well-matched. I think they’re looking ahead…” His voice trails off. I can tell he doesn’t want to spell it out, and by the look on her face, she gets it. An official fight is bound to happen between us if I pursue this. Same trainer and house would be bad for all involved if we end up in the cage together. I’m glad he was able to get through to her.

  He nods as I cross the room to the front door. Trinity follows me out. My arms envelop her in a tight hug and she whispers next to my ear, “Take care and keep in touch.”

  Afraid to say anything, scared my voice might crack, I just nod in acknowledgement. After the scene in the living room I know Parker wi
ll take care of her. I just need to let her be. This is what I need to keep telling myself, that this is best. It was bound to happen eventually, anyway. As I climb into the truck, my hand moves to lower the window.

  “Thank you for the loan, I’ll pay you back with interest.”

  She shakes her head. “Grey, you know I won’t take it. Just come back for visits.”

  “I will. No regrets.”

  She smiles and shakes her head slightly. “No regrets.”

  The truck backs up and as it shifts into drive, I watch her retreating figure in the rearview mirror. I have now left my sister twice, which is the exact opposite of what I promised my mom.

  A short thirty minute drive takes me to the west side of town. The streets are dingy and the corners are littered with loiterers. But the truck pushes on and I end up next to a three story brick building. The sign out front advertises Weekly Rentals. There isn’t even an official name for the place. I pay for a couple of weeks at the front desk and grab the key. When the first floor door opens to reveal a queen sized bed with well-worn blankets and a chair in the corner, my head shakes at the irony of it all. My body lands on top of the bed in a heap, too tired to even remove my shoes. First thing is done, a new place to stow my shit. In the morning I’ll have to find a new place to train.

  A shrill scream followed by a steady pounding on the wall behind the bed wakes me up in the middle of the night.

  “Fucking great!” I call to no one and I cover my head with a mildewy pillow.

  When my eyes open a few hours later, I’m disoriented. The darkened space gives nothing away as to my location. Finally I remember the events yesterday and the conversation at Trinity’s house. A decrepit weekly rental is my new reality. I move my hand to the table beside the bed to switch the light on. A soft glow emanates through the space, allowing it more deception than it deserves. It doesn’t look as harsh as it does by the light of the day.

  As light spreads through the room, a door slams with yelling between a man and a woman. At least in prison I got a decent night’s sleep on occasion. I have a feeling the likelihood of that here is probably very slim. I drag myself out of bed to shower in the lukewarm water even as the knob is turned as hot as it will go.